Pardon My Intentions

Life Can Be a Real Bully

I’ve been noticing things about me, more often than in the past.

The skin around my abdomen is becoming  looser and stretchier. My thighs are softer; visible creases and what looks like soft rolling hills as I sit with my legs tucked under themselves. Thank God my arms still look good, but even they still don’t make up for the age spots that encompass these particular tanned and toned limbs of mine.

My eyelids aren’t as tightly attached as they once were, and I hate the fact I have deeper frown creases between my eyes than deep-set laugh lines around my mouth. What does that say? What I can say, however, is the saying that everything moves south on a woman’s body, particularly our boobs, doesn’t really apply to me because of the mere fact I’ve worn a size A bra since I was 13. Who hoo for that, right?

Life can really be mean sometimes. Aside from the flaws that are slowly added to our bodies, there are times when we’re faced with predicaments we otherwise would not choose. Maybe it’s the affect of a choice, even if at one point we thought it was a good one. Maybe it’s the affect of a job or relationship; a lifestyle choice or the way we behave. Every day we wake up we have to choose what to make of it, and I don’t think that’s fair. Life is kind of a bully like that.

Some days I wake up and feel like being an asshole. Other days I wake up and feel fantastic and am ready to conquer the world. And on occasion, I wake up missing the physical body and voice of someone and begin to feel sad or lost and choose to cry. Regardless of which side of the bed I wake up on, it’s a choice and dictates the remainder of my day and the day of those around me, and that also isn’t fair to any of us.

I’ll tell you what isn’t mean though about life, and this makes every day worth living. The fact I can still breathe air into my lungs that isn’t tainted with poison or sickness. The belly laughs of my children. The smell of brewing coffee. The fact I can see my hummingbirds flutter their wings at mach speeds while buzzing around their feeder. My mom’s voice over the telephone; her encouraging and sometimes stern voice. I love her voice. The beauty of peony flowers and scent of lavender plants. The fact I’m able to use my legs and run or walk or play kickball with the neighborhood kids. Here’s something small but helps make life a little easier…a thumb! Damn, life may suck without a thumb. Making a difference in someone’s life. Giving more than you receive. Praying to a God I know exists and who asks me to forgive myself and those who’ve wronged me. The way beams of sunlight expose themselves through the clouds. It makes me think of heaven. Memories. Nostalgia. 80s music and my old Michael Jackson poster. The first snowfall. The last snowfall. Thunderstorms. Hanging my arm out the car window while driving to feel the wind. Having my car heater full blast and the windows down when it’s 30 degrees outside. Freedom. Sacrifice. Patience. Hugs and kisses, Xs and Os. Saying good bye. Saying hello. Meeting someone new. Missing someone. Music. Making someone laugh…

An infinite number of reasons of what makes life amazing, right? I wish we could all think about these more often than we allowed the life bully determine how we wake up each morning. It’s hard to do sometimes, but I’m going to personally work on that.

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